AdULt SmS jOkEs
THE HALWA RECIPIE
Major Rohail ke BV Halwa le kar mehmaan
k saamney Nangi aagiy
.
Major Rohail :
“Bewakuf Jahil aurat ye kya hai”
.
Anti Misba :
“Recipie book mein lekha tha
SERVE IT HOT WITHOUT DRESSING”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
THE TRACKER
Major Rohail ne apni mashuqa mein Tracker
lga dya,ta k pta chle k wo khee jati to nhe
.
Aftr 1 month
.
Tracker company fee……….Rs.1000
.
.
.
.
Bike Petrol……………….Rs.16,000
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
NORMAL SEX LIFE
Anti Misba :
“Dr. when can I resume normal sexual life?”
.
Doctor(surprisingly) :
“ U R the first one to ask me this
question after TONSILS operation”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
XXX MOVIE
Major sab today I saw ur daughter in a XXX movie
.
Major Rohail :
“Ghuse se! Sali,Kuttya,Haramzadi,Gashti….
Muje to kehti thi ROLE nhe mila”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
POCKET MONEY
Anti Misba to Kunwari Pregnant Beti
.
“Pehle tu muje un pyso ka hesaab de jo tu
pocket money leti thi ur kehti thi k
condoms & birth control pills pr khrch ho gae”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I THINK SHE’S CHEATING ON ME
Major Rohail :
“Dr. sab muje shaq hai k mere
mashuqa kse ur se chudvati hai”
.
Doctor :
“Ap ke mehbooba ka naam…?”
.
Major Rohail :
“Us ka naam Misba hai”
.
Doctor :
“Kmal hai 16 ur larko ko bhe
Misba se yhe shekayt hai”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
NOT USED ONCED
Major Rohail ne apni BV ke phudi mein
COUNTER fit kr dya
.
Jb wo Jung se waps aya to counter 000 pr tha
.
Wo both khush hova ur dukandar
ko counter waps krne chla gya
.
Major Rohail
“Ye lo ek dfa bhe use nhe hove”
.
Dukandar :
“Sir ye 999 dfa use ho k 000 ho gya hai”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
NEW SMS LAW
National Assembly has passed a bill under SMS act 7,
according to which changing or altering a SMS msg
B4 forwarding it is illegal
(Ministry SMS msgs)
(Preserve SMS act 7)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
CHALANGE FOR YOU
Chlng 4 U
Wo kon se cheez hai js ka
Na sir hai na Pao
Na koe Tuk
Na koe Ehmeyat
Bilkul Fazool
Ap ko mele to ap khush ho ge
Ur dosro k sath share kro ge
.
.
.
.
Answer:
YE SMS MSG
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
APP AYE HMARE GHAR
App aye hmare ghar
Wah wah wah
App aye hmare ghar
Kbhe hm ap ko dekhte hai
Ur
Kbhe apne LUN ko
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
KEY PAD
1 2abc 3def
4ghi 5jkl 6mno
7pqrs 8tuv 9wxyz
*+ 0 #
Ye lo keypad bheja hai
Mobile khud khred lo
Ur phir
Muje SMS ya call kro
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
SLAP THE SHIT OUT
Major Rohail was fucking Anti Misba
During sex he urinated in her vaging
Anti slaped the shit out of him
&
Said
“U ass hole ! how dare u urinate
at a public place”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I AM A VIRGIN
Anti Misba : I am virgin
Major Rohail : I will check first thn marry you
Anti Misba : Believe me honey! I m a virgin ,
16 boys have already checked”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
TAAZZA TAREEN NEWS
Anti Misba ne aj tk LUN nhe dekha
.
Kyo…?
.
.
.
“Jo b customer ata hai,
Aata hai light bujata hai,
Ur uss pr char jata hai”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
BILL PAYMENT
Ding Dong
Anti Misba : Kon hai….?
Mein G doodh wala bill k pyse de do
Anti Misba : “Kal aana aah ohh ahh abi Akhbar
aah ooh aah abi Akhbar wale aah
ohh aah ka bill de rhe hu”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
ANTI MISBA POEM
Ek hai shma sb hai parvene,
Misba tre phudi k lakho dewane,
Tere phudi hai gheri khaiy,
Tu ne hai sb se chudvai,
Misba tere mummay pyare,
Uff! Ye tere phudi k nzare,
Misba ke phudi ek sumndar,
Ktne dale LUN tu ne andar,
Khushkhbri sun SMS dulare,
Ab
Beti b dekhay ge johar sare,
Ho gae na vaare neyare,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
24 Hrs 7 DAYS A WEEK
1-Airports
.
2-News Channels
.
3-Gas Stations
.
4-Inter Net
.
5-Railway
.
6-Dehli Gate
Red Light Area
(Anti Misba)
.
7-Hosptls
.
8-ATM
.
9-Telecom
.
&
.
10-My SMS msgs
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
NEIGHBOR BOY
Girl: Mom ye neighbors ka larka
roz muje LUN dekha k bhag jata hai
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mom: Sala bohat harami hai apne baap pr gya hai
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A BOMB BLAST
Choot Chowk pr bomb blast,
20 phudia halak,
10 lun zakhmi,
22 topay khul gae,
40 mummay la pta,
Police ne
19 tattay pkr lye
Baki frar
SMS milte he under ground
Ho jao
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
ASHWARYA
Anti Misba ne Amitab Bchn ko larki supply ke
Ashwarya ne ehtjaj kya…..
Kyo…?
Ashwrya ka kehna hai k BIG B ke
family me wo apni jga kse ko nhe lene de ge
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
LADIES TOILET
Major Rohail jaldi se bhag k
ladies toilet mein ghus gya
Anti Misba chillaai
“Madar chod ye ladies toilet hai”
Major Rohail
“Pant uttar k bola ye b ladies k lye he hai”
Major saab k deikh k
Sab ladies ke hassi nekal gae
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
DONKEY PROTEST
Major Rohail ko Kargil ke jung mein ghadari krne
k jurm mein muu kala kr k ghadhay pr betha dya
Ghadhay ne ejtjaj kya
Kyo?
Ghaday ke b koe self respect hoti hai
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
BEGHAIRAT
Height of Begharity
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Apni beti ka rape hote dekh kr
Major Rohail ka bhe LUND
Khara ho gya
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
BACHPAN K DIN
Bachpan k din b kitne hassen the,
Jb who khela krte the,
Anti Misba lolly pop ke zid krte the,
Ur
Major Rohail apni patn ke zip khool
k mna lya krta tha
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
ANJUMAN TAATE BACHAO
Tareekh K ayene me!
Zamana qadeem se tatton ko qadar ki nigha se
nai dekha gya ur un ko asal mukaam nhe dya gya
Ye ek haqiqat hai k kamyab LUN k
peeche tatton ka zoor hota hai
Tatton ko ehtram ka mukaam delane k lye
“ANJUMAN TATTEE BACHAO”
Ka qayam amal me laya gya hai
Tmam tatte 30 January 2009 ko
Mulk geer tehreek shuru kr rhe hai
App ke bharpur shirkat lazami hai
Umeed hai app jese AZEEM TATTE ki
shirkat se baqi tattoo ko bohat hosla mele ga
Thank You
Chairman
“Anjuman Tatte Bchao”
MJ ROHAIL
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
HARD WORKING GIRLS
Research K mutabiq girls jo hai wo
boys se zyada Mehnati hoti hai
.
.
.
.
Kyo K 100 mein se 10 girls
Naturally khubsoorat hoti hai
.
.
.
.
Ur baqi apni Mehnat se….
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
MULTI BOY FRIENDS
JAZZ BF: Hello darling
Girl : Aur Sunao
U-Fone BF : Kya tumhare dil mein main hu?
Girl : Tum he to ho
ZONG BF : Tmhe chand kho k phool kho?
Girl : Sab keh do
TELENOR BF : Kya hr larki bewafa hoti hai?
Girl : Yahi hai dhun sab ke
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
HUMAN STYLE
Ek kutta dosre se
“Oy! Aj kl jha rash ho wha ne jaya kr”
2nd Kutta
“Wo kyo…?”
1st Kutta
“Saaly, Agr bomb blast ho gya to
tu INSAAN ke moat mary ga”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
GIRLS CAN’T DO
Aisa kon sa kaam hai jo 5 girls ek sath nhe
kr skte…….Lekin 5 boys ek sath kr skte hai
.
.
.
.
.
Ek he BAALTI mein SUU SUU
Ha ha ha ha ha
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
PERFECT EXAMPLE
TENSION : When BV is prgnent
TERROR : When Girlfrnd is pregnant
HORROR : When both are pregnant
TRADEDY : When u r not responsible for both
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
SARDAR G & Dr.
Doctor
“App k bachy ki taang katni pre ge”
Sardar
“Pehle btana tha mein bache ke new shoes na leta”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
JUST BORN
A just born baby was laughing with it’s tinny finguers closed,
The confused pediatrician unfolded his fingures and found…..
.
.
.
.
A birth control pill
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
DOSTY K SHOOLAY
Lamha koi suhana sath ho na ho,
Kal mai aj jaisi koi bat ho na ho
Ap ke DOSTY hamesha es
Dil mai rahe ge,
Chahy app mai
INSAANO wali koi baat ho na ho
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
GIRLS OR BALLS
16 to 21
“Like a football, ek k peche 22 log”
21 to 30
“Like a cricket ball, ek k hath mein
aati hai ur baqi talya bjate hai”
30 to 40
“Ye to larki nhe aurat hoti hai,
tennis ball ke trha,
ek kehta hai tu rakh
ur
dosra kehta hai ye le tu rakh”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
MAJOR KESE BNA…?
Major Rohail
Tum dusro se chudvati kuo ho
Anti Misba
Tum Army mein gand marvate kyo ho
Major Rohail
Mein Major ese he to nhe bna
Anti Misba
Ghar mein LCD,DVD,A.C,T.V b ese he
to nhe aye
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
JUNG KA MEEDAN
Major Rohail ke maa boarder pr
apni tange khool k leet gae
Nxt day in news
Two Pirthvi meezail
&
Three Akash tanks
MISSING
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
MNA
MNA
Tum ne muj se bewafai ktni dfa ke hai
BV
Sirf 3 bar
MNA
Kb kb ?
BV
1st time jb ap ka operation hona the to
Doctor se chudvai the
2nd time jb app jail me the to judge
se chudvai the
MNA
Ur 3dr time?
BV
Wo g jb ap ne MNA banna tha ur ap k pass
76 seats kum the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
GAND ME UNGLE
Anti Misba apne bache ke gand
Mein ungli de rhe the
Major Rohail
Ye kya kr rhe ho..?
Anti Misba
Army k ENTRY test ke tyari krva rhe ho
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
ANGERY FARAZ
Un se kehdo k yunh hr baat
Pr hum se rutha na kry Faraz
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kse din meter ghoom gya
to bund maar de ge hum
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Rs.101
Mj Rohail
Pysa chaheye jao phudi mrvao
Anti Misba
OK
Nxt day
Anti Misba
Ye lo Rs.101
Mj Rohail
100 rupya to smj ata hai
ye 1 rupya ks ne dya?
Atni Misba
G sab logo ne ek ek dya
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
GENERAL KYANI
Gerneral Kyani
Army wale ghadaron ke maaa chood de ge
.
.
.
.
Major Rohail
Sir Army wha jae ge ya mein apni maaa ko yha lao
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
SPELLING MISTAKE
Lot of Aunties crowded a bookshop cause of a
Spelling mistake in an add which read
.
.
.
Special offer
Get new BOOBS in exchange of old ones…
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
GANG RAPE OF ANTI MISBA
Judge sab ye 40 larke the ur mein 1
20 ne gand mari
20 ne phudi mari
20 ne muu me dala
Judge
Ye to 60 ho gae
Anti Misba
Judge sab baki 20 ne pyse deye the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
MECHANICAL ENGINEER
Ek mechanical engineer
Ke BV ke delivery hoe
Us ne husbnd ko SMS kya
Mubarak ho apka spare part aa gya hai
Husband ne reply kya
NUT hai ya BOLT
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
FAIL YA PASS
1 sikh ke b.v hospital mei thi.Sikh ne nurse se keha k
“agr lrka hua tu keha Pass”
aur
“agr Lrki hue tu kehna fail”
.
Sikh ka bcha peda hote he mr gya
.
tu nurse boli “srdar g supply I hy”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Enak & Lrki
Teacher: Lrki or enak me kya cheez mushtrik hy?
.
.
.
Student: Miss istemal k wakt dono ke tangei kholni prti hein
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Mza Dubala
Ek Hakeem ne pthan ke bemari ka ilaj aurat ka dudh tjveez kya.
Bri mushkil se ek aurat ko razi kya.
Dudh pilate hue ek aurat garam ho gye
Us ne sexy awaz bna kr pucha: kuch aur b chahye tu btao
Pthan: Agr sath busicuit b mil jaen tu mza dubala ho jye ge
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Family Business
Ap ke beti k kmre se ye teen cheezei mili hein
2,3 mobiles
kuch condoms
6,7 sim
chand xxx CDs
larko k numbr
Bubbli: Family business mei help krna konsa jurm hy?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Male or Female
R u male or Female?
Answer k lea niche dekhein
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
oh no dear ! Yaha nae apne niche.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
If u r Pregnant
Read this only if u r pregnant !
.
.
.
.
R u pregnant?
Nhe na?
.
then y r u reading this msg? Shoq tu dekho amma ban ne ka :P
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Bubbli,penty aur jiju
Bubbli mini skirt mei jiju k pas aa kr boli
“jiju! Dekhye to, jhukne se mri penti dikhti hy kya?
.
.
.
Jija g: pehle penty pehn tu lo phir dekhana
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Condom in Urdu
Define condom in urdu
.
.
.
Rabar ka chikna ghilaf-e-uzwy tanassul
baraye bandish e afzaish e nasal
.
.
Urdu bol k geo
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
